I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
