Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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