Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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