Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
