you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
kristin has been a bad kristin
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
