I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
