He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
His hands were made for my vagina.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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