i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
