I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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