is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
