respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
the day after is always just damage control
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
