dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
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