once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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