Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
