How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
barbara walters just said penis...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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