Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
