you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
