a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
