I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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