You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
