Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
one might say we're banned from that church
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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