Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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