We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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