At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
