I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
