i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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