I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
