i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
