Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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