I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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