I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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