You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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