Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
