how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm at about main and main street
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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