so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
