i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
50% drunk capacity currently
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
