This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I am spending my child support on dildos
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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