Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
