he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
