I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
