Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
