fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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