I wish my penis had an off switch
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
