Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
