Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
