someone get that fucking seahorse.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
