Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
