sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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