Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
