Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
