HIV tests are more positive than that guy
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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