nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Drake has all the answers
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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